Rollercoaster
by Rainy D
Summary: Should I tell someone? Do I even want to know! I'm not sure. God this is so confusing... (shounen ai, swearing)
1. Chapter 1

Rollercoater By RD  
  
Chapter One  
  
"Can I have a smoke?"  
  
"Fuck off."  
  
Me and Daisuke are leaning on the balcony outside the flat. We do pretty much every night, since it's so hot inside now. Winter, and we freeze our arses off because they can't get the heating to work. Summer, and it finally comes on, and everyone melts. The place stinks because of the sweat. It's really quite disgusting, but I love my little shithole of a flat. Dad's dead pissed off, because it was really expensive, and even though it looks really nice and it's penthouse and everything, it still reeks in summer. Now it's calm and cool and silent. We're not chatting because we talk so much in the day to take our minds off the heat. Ken says me and Daisuke are kindred spirits, but I don't know about that. If he was, he'd buy me smokes and pierce my ears, but he won't.  
  
"You're not old enough to smoke, and even if you were I still wouldn't let you because your Dad would kill me."  
  
He always, always says that. Dad's so overprotective of me and it sucks, I can tell you. He's so careful about everything I do and he's always watching me, which I'm sure will be so off-putting when I get a boyfriend. He's trying to make my life as normal as possible, I think. Ordinary. But my life's never been normal or ordinary, and I love it that way.  
  
Firstly, I live with four extremely famous guys who, in their younger days, saved the worlds a lot. Yeah, worlds, plural. There's loads connected together that we still haven't discovered, but one we have is called the Digital World...they saved it. And now that everyone knows about the Digital World, they're mega celebrities, which is great of course.  
  
I also happen to live with four extremely gay guys. Ok, so Daisuke claims he's bi, but I don't believe him. I reckon Dad thinks I'm going to have a nervous breakdown in my later years because of this, but I'm totally fine about it. No scarring incidences. People whisper at school, but they're narrow-minded freaks I can ignore.  
  
There's Dad (everyone calls him Izzy though really his name's Koushiro) and his boyfriend Taichi. They adopted me when they were pretty young. Loads of people think Dad's my biological father because we look creepily alike. Dad told me when I was about 5, because he was adopted himself and his parents never told him, he discovered for himself, which left him pretty shaken up. Then there's Daisuke and Ken. I consider Daisuke my best friend, even though he's twice my age, and Ken's so nice no-one can't like him. He's a genius too, which is handy when I need help with my homework. And, I am embarrassed to admit, I love watching Ken and Daisuke kiss. They're so perfect together. They've been a couple for 18 years, and I don't think they'll ever break up.  
  
"Yeah well, Dad's not around right now, so it doesn't matter!" I'm determined not to let him win this fight. And I'm telling the truth. Every few months, Dad and Taichi go away for a few days to Okinawa. I have no idea what they do and no-one seems willing to tell me, so I learned not to ask.  
  
"Oh, that reminds me!" Daisuke crushes his cigarrette under his foot before I can get a puff. "You'll be on your own tomorrow, I've gotta go set up an exhibition, and Ken'll be at work, so I'll leave the keys on the cooker, okay?" Daisuke's a photographer, you see, and he often has to go out of town for displays and things. I nod. "Now you, there's no more smokes, so it's time for bed." I frown, even though it's pretty late, but Daisuke practically drags me inside the house and throws me into my room, so I give up and go to sleep.  
  
The next morning, everyone's gone when I wake up. Ken's left me a note saying when he'll be home, as well as a slip of paper witb the instructions on how to cook some fancy pasta dish. Ken has this thing about eating properly. He doesn't even like walking past McDonalds. And the keys are there too.  
  
...Holy fuck, YES!  
  
Daisuke's left me the key to his photo room! He always takes it off, and I'm never allowed in there. I think he's shit scared I'll mess up his prints or something, but he forgot this time! I grab the key and dash to his and Ken's room. Anyone would think it was just a cupboard, but it's really a door leading into this little room. I've tried picking the lock before, but it never worked, and besides, Taichi caught me once and now I'm not allowed to have hair-pins. Which has just made me wanna see it even more. The click of the lock sounds so satisfying as I turn the key and swing back the door.  
  
Woah! The room's small, but it's overflowing with photos. They take up all the folders on the shelves and spill onto the floor, plus there's another few boxes of them right at the back. All the folders are labelled with dates or subjects or places. I figure out that the boxes are professional ones, whereas the shelves are just everyday photos. There are about four shelves just of photos of Ken, which makes me giggle. I look through a few of these. I especially love the ones of him when he was younger, because he looks so different. I can tell when Daisuke went professional, because then some of the photos are done in his studio.  
  
I spot a folder labelled 'Studio / 2016 Catalogue / Aya'. Oh my god, these are so old...Back when I used to model kids clothes for Daisuke. That brings back so many memories...  
  
After a few minutes of searching, I find the ones of Dad and Taichi. I pick up a few folders labelled '2007 / Hokkaido / Group'. This must've been a holiday or something, because all four of them are there, with some others I don't recognise. 2007...that'd make Dad 16. They're really amazing; Daisuke's so talented.  
  
...Oh. Dad wasn't with Taichi back then obviously...Oh, this must be Yamato. He's in a lot of the photos. I know about him, though I never met him. He was Taichi's old boyfriend, when he was younger, but he went away and lost contact with all his old friends. He was in a famous band before I was born, and we've got a few old his albums. Taichi told me no-one knew where he went, or why, he just...left.  
  
Ah, here are the ones of Dad! He looks weird without his glasses!  
  
Some fat girl I don't know. Oh no wait, she's pregnant, not fat. Man, she's looks way too young to be pregnant...And-  
  
...What...Why is...Why's Dad holding her hand...? And...looking at her like that...? Why'd he...kissing her bump? ...What's going on...?  
  
...What don't I know?! 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
"It's not what you're thinking," says Jersey quietly. "Not after all these years. It ain't possible." There's a pitiful, pleading look in my father's eyes. "No," he says. "What is it? What are you guys talking about?" They say nothing, just avoid looking at each other's eyes.  
- Exerpt from 'Sunset Over Chocolate Mountains' by Susan Elderkin  
  
Okay.  
  
Okay, don't panic. Ken'll be home soon, and I don't want him to know something's up. Do I? I'm not sure. Should I tell someone? Do I even want to know?! I'm not sure.  
  
God this is so confusing...  
  
"Aya-chan?"  
  
Shit! He's home early! I fling the door of the photo room shut, lock it, shove the key in my pocket and run out to greet him. "Hi Ken!"  
  
...Crap, he's frowning. What have I given away?! "You look flustered, Aya- chan. Are you feeling alright?" He puts his thin hand on my forehead, which is thankfully hot from all my harsh breathing and rushing around.  
  
"Er, no, I feel kinda sick actually..."  
  
"You'd better have a lie down then. Want me to ring Izzy?"  
  
"NO! I mean, er no, I-I'd rather just go to sleep."  
  
Crapcrapcrap! Ken always knows when I'm lying, 'cos I'm so bad at it! Still, he's letting me go. I really need to think just now...Dad's never kept anything from me, ever since he told me I was adopted. I mean, I don't really know everything about his past, 'cos he doesn't like to talk about it. Taichi talks about Yamato sometimes, and a lot of the gaps were filled in by Ken and Daisuke...but this seems big. I can feel it.  
  
...Man. I really feel like crying. But I'm not the sort of girl who cries. I didn't even cry when I was seven and this kid called Takenouchi in the year above me kicked my shins and made me fall over in a puddle. I just squeezed my fist really hard and ground my teeth together. I'm doing it now, but it's not working. My room's going all fuzzy. I feel so stupid...  
  
There's a knock at the door and I rub my eyes frantically. Can't let Ken see me crying! "C-come in!" My voice goes all weird and high pitched. I fling the bed sheets over my head and curl up, hugging my knees underneath them.  
  
"...You know you can talk to me, Aya-chan. If you need anything at all, I'm always here for you. And Daisuke too, and Taichi and your father, of course." I feel so incredibly guilty. Ken thinks I don't trust him? God, no! And he's telling the truth. But...  
  
"I'd rather not talk about it."  
  
He sighs and gets up off the bed. It creaks slightly from the pressure release. It sounds like he's going, except suddenly, the light floods back in under the covers and he kisses my forehead lightly. I...He...Hasn't done that since I was a kid...I remember one time, so long ago, when these little shits at school were saying how I was really weird because I didn't have a mum and I had four dads. This was around the time we'd just started having sex ed. which made it even worse. And I came home with my fists bunched up so tight that my hands were bleeding. And all the guys made such a fuss of me and Dad kept kissing the top of my head as Taichi did up some bandages on my hands. And that evening, when Ken thought I was asleep, he came in my room and kissed my forehead. It was the gentlest thing I'd ever felt. I bet Daisuke doesn't know how lucky he is.  
  
God, I haven't reminisced in ages! I feel kinda better now.  
  
Tired. I feel...tired.  
  
...  
  
The voices outside my room wake me up. Ken and Daisuke. I look at my clock. Shit, it's gone 11:00! I must have been asleep for hours. Daisuke would've come back only a while ago. They're talking quietly, though quite near. I can only make out some words. My name. Worried. Secrets. My name again. The voices drift away and I can't make them out anymore. Even though I shouldn't really interrupt them, I'm dead hungry, having missed dinner. Just for effect, I walk out rubbing my head. Ken and Daisuke fall dead silent for a minute, then Ken says, "Still got a headache?"  
  
"Yeah...a bit..." I wheeze. The phone rings, and for some reason, I wince. It's not like it's actually hurting my head, but luckily I can pass it off as this. Daisuke picks it up.  
  
It's...Dad. Suddenly I do feel ill. My hands are shaking. What if I blurt it out? I know your secret Dad! But that's not strictly true, is it? Oh god. I clasp the phone, worried that my hands are so slippery with sweat, I'll drop it. "H-hello...?"  
  
"Hi, honey. Daisuke said you weren't feeling too good. Are you okay now?" And for some reason, I'm surprised at how normal his voice sounds.  
  
"Y-yeah, I'm better now..."  
  
There are noises in the background of the phone. One is Taichi's voice. Other voices, mingled, that I don't recognise. Dad speaks louder, drowning them out. As if he doesn't want me to hear. "Look, something's come up. Taichi and I are going to have to stay here for a few more days. I'm sorry, honey, but it's really unavoidable."  
  
I blink. "Dad...What do you do in Okinawa?!" I say quickly, surprising myself. But there's a loud wail in the background. O...kay...  
  
"Sorry dear, I didn't hear you."  
  
Somehow, I don't believe him. "...Never mind."  
  
"I'll see you in a week. Can you take Ken and Daisuke shopping one day, because they never know what to buy. Love you; Taichi sends his love too." I mumble a miserable good-bye and hang up the phone. I feel like a complete turd. I just want to go and die, and I'm not even sure why.  
  
Ken has disappeared and Daisuke is out on the balcony, taking out his lighter. I go out and join him. We stare at each other for a minute, then he takes out his box of cigarettes and offers it to me. I give him a questioning look. "You look like you could use it, hun." He lights it for me, and I take a long, slow draw. It's nice. The smoke clouds up my head, blocking out all the unwanted thoughts I've had today. Daisuke ruffles my hair so it sticks out at awkward angles. Instead of batting his hand away, I just smile.  
  
Dad always said I look so pretty when I smile. 


End file.
